Impact

My blogging has been virtually non-existent lately. For those of you looking for a life update, I'm sorry but you'll have to wait a little bit longer. Greek Week is coming up and the semester thus far has been virtually non stop. These are just some thoughts that have been occupying my mind lately, and I figure they could be good reason for a blog post...


Do you ever stop to think about the true impact your actions, no matter how great or small, have on others? Y'all are gonna think it is cliche and I'm gonna go off about how a single smile can save someone's life, but I'm talking regular, day to day interactions.

We all have friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, and family members that we were very close with at one time and then eventually grew apart from and gradually lost contact completely. Then there are the people with whom your relationship ends instantaneously, for whatever reason. There are also people you know by association, whether through a significant other's career, a family member's friend, etc that you may not have a relationship with, but follow from afar. There are people who are in your life for a few days, and those who are permanent fixtures.

Think of one of these people. Your relationship with them may seem virtually nonexistent. But every relationship is a learning experience. I cannot think of one friendship, one boyfriend, one acquaintance I did not learn something from. And this is me thinking all the way back to middle school. If so many people have impacted or influenced my life in one way or another, how have my actions (or non-actions) influenced others? Have I made them want to better themselves, become more confident and caring? Or have I shown them exactly how they don't want to act, caused grief, or was absent when I should have been there? Personally, I am hoping for the former.

Recently, one of my friends really made me start reflecting on my life this past year. Have I been making the decisions that, deep down, are what I really want for myself? Have I been not only respecting others, but showing myself respect? Have I been people pleasing and putting my own needs on the back burner? Have I been selfish and done things without thinking of the consequences to others? Do I truly like the person I am and is the person I portray the same as the person I am deep down, when I am completely myself?

Lots of times, I think we act differently around different groups of people. The way we act around our family is different than our friends from home which is different than our school friends, etc. I'm not talking about acting differently at work than at home, because this is totally appropriate. You cannot be cracking inappropriate jokes in front of your boss (unless he is baller, of course). But in regular social situations, why do we do this? Do we want to impress certain people? Are we acting as role models? Am I being a person that, when someone asks about me, people say "oh everyone loves her!" or do they make a face and steer clear? Do people find me approachable and easy to talk to when they need help? Or do I come across as standoffish? Really being conscious about my actions and how I portray myself to others, along with WHY I portray myself this way is something I really would like to become more mindful about. People watch every move and decision you make. And it can have a huge impact on them.

One of the people I look up to most happens to be someone I have never met. She is witty, has poise, is always there to lend an ear, and is one of the strongest women I know, not to mention she has a killer bod. She speaks her mind, yet hears others out. She does not conform just because "everyone is doing it". She is comfortable with herself. She is smart, strong, and still has no problem admitting moments of weakness, which is one of the strongest things I think you can do. She probably will never know how much I admire her and look up to her, but her impact on my life was so unexpected yet great.

Another friend of mind has very strong values that differ than most other kids my age. When I first spoke to them, I was astounded by how confident and sure of themselves they were.  I was also shocked that someone still held these values dear to them. They were doing what they knew was best for them, and not trying to please others, which would mean not keeping the ideals they hold close to their heart. Seeing that this was possible truly made me reevaluate the values I find important against the way I act and carry them out (which I don't do as often as I hoped). While they may not realize the impact they had on me, it is larger than I could have ever predicted.

Maybe this was a lot of rambling, maybe I have made you really think. Either way, next time you wonder why someone was put in your life, or taken from it unexpectedly, try to think about what you learned from them (and maybe what they have learned from you). It really is amazing the impact we have on others, even when we don't know it. So, maybe this week we can all try to be a little more mindful, and hope we influence others in a way that sheds a positive light on their life.

Have a wonderful week!


xoxo
-B

God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy

Wow, I cannot believe 2012 is finally coming to end. If I think back to New Years Eve last year, I was completely clueless to everything that would happen in the upcoming year. I was getting ready to go out with my boyfriend. We were going to a party with some of his friends. I was blissfully ignorant to all the changes that would be coming my way. I'll try to do a quick (hopefully) recap of last year before getting my goals for this year out in the world.

Last February, I got back to school and was thrown right into recruitment. It was such a rewarding experience and I am so glad I decided to go through with it. In high school, joining a sorority was not something I had ever considered. I knew my dad had been in a frat, but he was also a soccer star at Penn State and that overshadowed his frat boy past a little bit. Anyway, I spent the first two weekends back at school flirting with all of Delaware's sorority girls. Now, I don't know abou you. but I had never actually flirted with a girl before. It is definitely interesting to see the recruitment process. I happened to get my bid from the sorority I had fallen in love with, and it was all downhill from there.

The next few weeks were filled with events helping our new pledge class bond with each other and with the older girls. It's amazing how girls you didn't even know a few weeks ago can become your second family. I also was lucky enough to become part of the best pham in aephi. My big and gbig have become two of my best friends, especially these past few months. I honestly can say I don't know what I would do without them.

In March, my relationship of two years was ended. While I never thought the day would actually come, I always had a tiny inkling in the back of my head that it would happen. It was very hard to get over, losing both my best friend and the only boy I had ever been in love with, but I would never trade the experience for anything. I realized I had grown a lot as a person, but I still had a lot of growing to do. I needed time on my own to learn more about myself and becoming a stronger, more confident individual (which I am still working on, every day).

A few days later was my birthday, and I was officially old enough to buy tobacco (oh yay). Nineteen is a funny birthday. It starts your last year as a teenager, which didn't hit me until very recently. Aside from that, nineteen is pretty boring.

This past summer, I got a job as a waitress at Ventura's Greenhouse in Margate. I absolutely love my job (though I don't always love having to go into work). I never saw myself as a waitress, but it is something I don't mind doing while I work towards a career, especially since I get to work on a beautiful beach.

So many things happened while I was home this summer, I can't even remember them all. I made some new friends (Hello, Surfer boy) and had falling outs with some of my oldest friends. I went to see Zac Brown Band with Jenn, and spent some time in Wildwood with Justine. Overall, this past summer was pretty great.

Then it was time to move into my new apartment about a week before classes started. I was so excited to finally have my own place! But I came to learn that living with other people wasn't always as easy as Lauren had made it for me last year. I will not go into detail about the living situation, but I will say I am glad to finally be out of it.

My classes this semester weren't too bad. I hate how stressed and anxious I was all semester because it really affected my grades. I took a pilates class with Morgan, which I fell in love with. Lissy and I discovered this awesome shake place. And my obsession with Chipotle only grew.

I ended up going home a lot this semester. Last year, I never got homesick so I didn't realize how lucky I was to have the home that I have. My mom has become my best friend. I honestly don't want to know how much of a mess I would be if I didn't have her (and my daddy) to come home to when I needed it. And Jimmy and I have finally become more like really good friends than fighting brother and sister. I've been so blessed with my amazing family.

This year, I've gained some of the best friends a girl could ask for. Some were from unlikely places. Some were friends I've had for ages. Some were only in my life for a few weeks, others are lifelong. Each and every single one of them (whether a Navy wife across the country, a sister in Trinidad, or girl from grade school) has impacted my life in a way greater than they will ever know. So I would like to take a minute to thank each and every person who reached out to me in any way. It means more to me than you can imagine.

And now, as I am getting ready to ring in the New Year, I'm contemplating the goals I have and how I want to grow. I want to keep my workout kick up, until it is no longer a kick, but a lifestyle (my brother and I are doing our first mud run next summer, I cannot wait!). I need to work on my confidence and being happy on my own. I need to work on being thankful, regardless of how tough the situation is that I am given, because God will never give me anything I cannot handle. I need to remember that I truly believe everything happens for a reason (even if the guy at the bar this weekend tried his best to convince me that isn't true). I need to realize everyone is put in my life to teach me a lesson, whether they become a permanent part of my life or not. I need to stop being selfish and start doing things to make others happy again (which is what truly brings me happiness). I need to stop planning and start living. My resolution is to start every day with a smile and say one positive thing to myself. Every. Single. Day. No matter what.

So here's to ringing the New Year, looking forward, not back, and remembering God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy.

xoxo
-B

Let It Go

Now playing: Let It Go by ZBB

 Well this past week, this week, and this upcoming week is probably going to be considered the second most stressful period of my life this far. I have 4 exams to study for and a case study to work on (a group project, might I add), aside from a bit of other added stress. I am really not looking forward to doing all of that but what choice do I have? Gotta keep moving forward.

This past weekend I went home. My brother and I planned on surprising my parents. Jimmy was a little slow on finding out my dad would be in the Poconos from Thursday to Sunday, but I ended up staying home until Monday so it was okay. I was super nervous my mom would be out when I got home and that it really wouldn't be a good surprise. But just my luck, she was pulling up as I was turning the corner. It took her a second to register I was in the driveway behind her and run out of the car. She was jumping around like a giddy teenage girl. I don't think I have ever been happier to be home than I was at that moment. We went to Jimmy's soccer game where I saw my favorite Mainland teacher/coach of all time. I also got to spend time with Jimmy's girlfriend at the game. She's awesome. They tied OC which isn't ideal, but is way better than a loss. Jimmy kicked some butt, I must admit. I spent a ton of time with my mom that weekend, watching Snow White and the Huntsman, shopping, and just relaxing. We even went to a jewelry party of one for her oldest friends. I also had breakfast/lunch with one of My oldest friends, Caroline. She is one of the few people I can act completely myself around, even if we haven't seen each other in ages.

This weekend also helped me realize how lucky I've been to be blessed with such amazing people in my life, whether constant or just popping in and out. I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for, and there are more than a few people for which I would do absolutely anything. I decided there were a few people I had had falling outs with that had always been there for me, and their friendship was worth more to me than being stubborn and not wanting to swallow my pride. And I couldn't be more happy I did. I'm back on good terms with two of my best, longest lasting friends.

Now Playing: The River by Garth Brooks

Well now I have some tests to study for, but hopefully I'll be back writing again soon!

xo
-B

It Just Takes Some Time, Little Girl You're in the Middle of the Ride

My last post was in July? That is ridiculous! So much has happened since then that I can't even remember it all. I finished up my summer working at the Greenhouse and moved into my new apartment at the end of August. I was so excited to be living with some of my favorite girls! I also was looking forward to having my own bedroom while being away at school, definitely a plus of this living arrangement. I chose to do my room with a nautical theme, one of my favorite. It's definitely a lot more grown up than my dorm was last year, but I guess that's what happens when you go away to school.

Our first week (or three) was spent living off of pasta. Now, I love to cook, and I'll make anything, but you don't realize how well stocked your house is until you move out and need something for a recipe and realize how little you have. Oops. Living with only salt and pepper for a week was quite interesting. I recently have taken up to using maybe a little bit too much garlic on things. I love the flavor, but realize than most people don't put garlic on everything they inhale. And by everything, I mean pasta and couscous so maybe it isn't that odd.

My roommates this year also actually enjoy going to the football games. I'm  not sure whether no one wanted to go last year, or I was always out of town, but last year I only made it to one football game. While I don't really follow the NFL, I LOVE going to football games, especially with people who get really into it. And so far, we've been doing pretty well.

For the first time ever, I dropped a class and am not taking close to max credits. It's weird to have time and be done all of my classes while the sun is still out. I guess I should be happy for a decently relaxing semester because it probably won't happen again (mainly because I am going to get bored).

I'm extremely excited for life as a sister of AEPhi this semester. We're finally back and really getting into things (my excitement today may also be caused by the new letters I bought this morning). So many exciting things are already starting to happen, I can't wait to see what the rest of the year holds. It is going to be quite weird being on the other side of things during recruitment, though. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I am super pumped to get a little though! I'm in love with my big and gbig so I just want to add to the love.

One of my two best friends, Jenn, came to visit this weekend. I last saw her when she came down with her boyfriend, Zach, to spend some time in Atlantic City over the summer, but that feels like forever ago. We went to dinner at Chipotle with another usnagf, Amanda, at Chipotle, one of my all time favorite places to eat. After, we got all ready with my roommates and headed up to the towers to hang out with some other friends. One of my closest friends at Delaware found out some not-so-cool news and Jenn and I ended up heading back with her to sort things out. While it wasn't the super exciting night we had been planning, it was nice just to relax and hang out together. The next day we went to the football game, even with the threat of thunder storms. We had to evacuate at halftime, but we were already kicking Del State's butt, so we knew how the game was going to end. Sadly, after that, Jenn had to be on her way back to Annapolis. We had to say our goodbyes but knew we'd see each other again soon!

That night, we went out for one of my roommates' 20th birthday. First we went to Cucina Di Napoli for dinner. We kept ourselves quite entertained, even after the waiter refused to sing Happy Birthday (wtf? if hot girls are asking you to sing for them, you better do it!). Then we headed back to the apartment to get ready for that night. We overall had an amazing night, especially once they started putting on country music because they wanted the majority of people to leave.

So far, I really enjoy the majority of my classes this semester. I'm taking a theatre class which has nothing to do with my major, but definitely keeps me awake and entertained at 9:05am. My research methods professor is actually super cool and, while I'd rather not be learning about causal claims and the four big validities, I don't mind the class. Anatomy is going to be awesome. I was actually excited to study for our first exam which was on body planes and regions. This is the kind of stuff I actually find interesting and one of the main reasons I picked my major. It is the stuff I get, it just clicks for me. Sadly, our lab is a simulation, but maybe one day (if I change my plan for down the line), I'll actually get to do a lab with a cadaver. Anthropology is my fourth major class and the only one that bothers me. The professor goes off on tangents about his study of African Art that has nothing to do with what we are learning. But it does entertain me he reminds me of a white Bill Cosby. His ideas are also very biased, which I am not used to so far in college (I know, I know, college is kinda known for professors and their strong opinions, but I have been lucky so far). My last "class" is actually a gym class called "walking/jogging". I forced myself to sign up for this class so maybe I get into running. I am not good at self-motivating and figured I might as well run while getting credit for it. The girl who runs the class is a grad student studying health promotion. It's a field I never even thought about until she mentioned it, and now is something I might think about pursuing in grad school (me? grad school? what?!). Definitely something I need to look into.

This weekend, I'm also going to attempt to surprise two of the most important people in my lives, so hopefully I get around to blogging next week and y'all get to hear all about it!!!

xo
-B

Rain Is A Good Thing

The past few months I've had such trouble remembering to update my blog, in case you couldn't tell by the lack of posts. I've been working a ton (or so it seems) but I absolutely love my job at the Greenhouse! I never thought I would waitress, but I'm so glad I gave it a try. I've luckily been able to spend a lot of time with my family this summer, which is awesome since it scares me how quickly my life has been moving. Before I know it, I'll be out on my own! I really do miss them a ton at school and I'm so blessed to be able to get to hang out with them as much as I do. Recently, I've started going to the beach a lot, finally. It's not as if I live 7 minutes away or anything. I've realized I can sit home and hang around at the beach before work just as easily as I can do it at home. And I'll get a tan on the beach. Plus, it is really relaxing (aside from the occasional beach tagger run in). I have been missing school a ton though.

Last week, my best friend finally came down the shore! Justine was in Wildwood for her sister's dance competition. I FINALLY got to meet all of the amazing Ringers, after months of waiting and talking and what not. I am so so happy I got to spend so much time down there last week. Justine is from Long Island and we aren't the typical "friends since preschool" best friends. Justine and I met through a facebook group of girls who dated midshipman of the United States Naval Academy. We started talking last summer and eventually planned a trip, along with another girlfriend, Mersadi, to the Navy-Delaware football game for Labor Day Weekend last year. We've been inseparable ever since (well, maybe in distance, but we're in constant contact). While neither of us are with our former boyfriends anymore, we've decided the whole reason we dated mids was so we got to meet each other (along with a few other super amazing girlfriends and wives:). I honestly don't know what I would do without her. I'd probably have had a few melt downs and gone off the deep end by now. Our friendship is living proof that everything happens for a reason!

This week, my cousins from Philly are coming down so it will be another action packed week. I'm also in the midst of cleaning out and then redecorating my room, hopefully before I go back to school. I decided my room currently looks like a rainbow puked all over it. So not classy enough for a 19 year old "sophisticated college student"( I did re do it in maybe fourth grade, so that could explain it. I have a purple, green, blue, and orange wall, along with a pink boa over one window...). I'm thinking nautical themed, which is really my current style now; stripes, anchors, navy and cream coloring. I'm getting excited just thinking about it! The rest of the summer is going to definitely be a little crazy! There are so many people I want to visit and things I want to do, I'm not sure how I'll find the time! As for now, I'll just try to live in the moment and be happy my summer has been so amazing thus far!

xoxo
-B

It's a Smile, It's a Kiss, It's a Sip of Wine, It's Summertime

Well, my blogging still has yet to be up to par. This is partly due to the fact I am never on my laptop though I can't seem to stay off of my phone. I do love blogging and reflecting on my life but when I finally am busy and running around, I'm almost glad I don't have time to write.

Summer started and I was mostly sitting home bored. After a week, I finally started training for my new waitressing job at the Greenhouse. I couldn't have been more nervous. I've worked at a pizza place before but I knew a few of the people I was working with. Here, I was going in alone. But it hasn't been so bad (minus the lack of business lately due to the weather) and I'm quite happy to no longer be bored.

On Memorial Day, I went with my aunt, cousin, Katie, and parents to the Memorial Day parade my town always has. We met up with Jackie and her mom who I hadn't seen in forever. Apparently, I am now too old for the paraders to throw candy to, which was very upsetting ( I have a HUGE sweet tooth for those of you that don't know).  Then, Victoria had a Memorial Day party/BBQ/whatever that turned out quite interesting. I absolutely loved seeing all my dance friends again.

Thursday, I went with Jenn to see Zac Brown Band. We met up with Julia and her friend Shelley. ZBB was AMAZING!!!! I didmiss one of my all-time favorite covers by them to go to the bathroom. It was heart-breaking. But I had such an amazing time rocking out in my American flag tank with my wonderful friends.

This week was The Dance Place's annual recital. It was the last recital any of my close friends would dance in. Mary's mom bought all of last year's seniors tickets to watch the night our friends had solos. The following night, Mary and I helped back stage like we had looked forward to doing since we were little kids. It was crazy but so much fun. It made me truly realize how much I miss dancing and miss my home at The Dance Place (not gonna lie, I may have cried one, or more, times). It was the last recital for Miss Mary's youngest daughter which is also huge. The dances were amazing as always and the seniors all danced beautifully (though I am still pissed Michele didn't get Rachel's phenomenal woman costume for me). I can't wait to be back next year to help out with the recital again!

Now, I'm currently waiting for my neighbor to be ready so we can keep up the tradition of pre-prom pictures. The past two years, she has come over to take pictures with me before my proms, and now it is her turn. I am so excited for her! After that, I'll be going with Victoria and Mary to watch Michele and Kristina take pictures (and be in some, of course) before they head off to prom. Prom was my absolute favorite night ever and I'm extremely jealous of all the girls going!

I ain't here for a long time, I'm here for a good time.

Well, my blogging has definitely been slacking lately. I have so much to say and have no idea where to start!

I finally have finished my freshman year of college! It is ridiculous how quickly it went by. So much has happened in the last year, it's amazing. First, I was in a long distance relationship. While things haven't worked out, it was a blessing. I have learned how to be independent and okay on my own. I am more confident in myself than I used to be. I know exactly what I want in a significant other and will not settle for anything less (I am not saying in any way that I was shown what I do NOT want in a s.o, I actually was shown what I DO want in one). I learned communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, whether with an s.o, a friend, or even your mother. I was also blessed with some of the best friends a girl could ask for from this experience. And not even just one. I have found my best friend who I don't know what I would do without. I've become friends with some of the most amazing women I have ever known. I can't even believe to describe what amazing role models they are (and probably don't even realize it).

I have also joined a sorority. In high school, it was never something I had even considered. My mom was not in a sorority. My dad was a frat boy in college, but also played two varsity sports for Penn State, which we heard more about growing up. I was always an athlete and a dancer and figured at least one of those two would be my life in college. Once I saw my course load, I decided to ease into school and not jump for the Women's Track and Field team. I took a few open dance classes but did not feel super comfortable with that particular company. By the end of the semester, I felt as though I wasn't getting the most out of college. I had a few friends, but no one I was super close with. I was bored a majority of the time. I did not come home for winter break super excited to go back. My roommate and I decided we were going to sign up for recruitment. When I got back to school for the spring semester, we got into recruitment that very first weekend. It was long and tiring and I got sick from it, but it was one of the most amazing experiences in my life. I ended up in the most perfect house for me, Alpha Epsilon Phi. It's amazing. I love every single one of my sisters. Pledging took up a good portion of this semester, but now I miss it more than anything. I definitely know why we are considered one of the closest, if not the closest sorority on campus. It changed my school experience. I already miss my amazing sisters and the wonderful friends I've been given (and I've been home for two days).

On a less upbeat note, a few weeks ago, my uncle passed away. He had been battling brain cancer for a year and kicking it's ass the whole time. While it is still unreal to me, I will always be blessed with the memory of such an amazing man. Now, I am a Philly girl and wouldn't have it any other way, but man, I have never seen a bigger Giants fan. He always had the game on, laughing and cheering. He had the biggest laugh and gave the best big bear hugs. He had a huge heart and was always welcoming everyone into his home. While his life was too short, he has blessed more people than even he knows, with his kind heart, loud laugh, and wonderful personality. He will always be our angel, watching over our every move <3

These next few weeks should be action-packed. This weekend, my aunt and cousin are coming down for memorial day. I start training for my new job as a waitress at Ventura's Greenhouse next Wednesday. Thursday I am going to Maryland to see Zac Brown Band with some amazing girls. I'll get to catch up with one of my best friends. The Dance Place recital is the following week and it will be my first as an alum. Crazy, right? I still can't believe it. Then my best friend in the whole world, Justine, is coming to Wildwood for a week for a dance competition!!! I CANNOT WAIT!

I have also taken a new approach to the dreaded deed: running. Yes, I know I was on the track team in high school. But, I ran a total of 100 meters for the hurdles and that was my longest event. To be short, I hate running. I don't find it fun and I don't think I'm good at it. And if I'm not good at it, I don't like it. But I am not in the shape I'm used to being in and I hate it. So, I've decided to take up running. I am going to run every day. Just run. Whether for 10 or 15 minutes, it doesn't matter. I just need to get out there and get in the habit. Usually I push myself too far too fast and come in miserable, feeling sick, and never wanting to run again. I'm going to just get used to getting going before I try to accomplish anything worth mentioning. I'm hoping this gets rid of my running dread. Today was day two of this new mindset and I took Cody with me. He was such a good boy and it felt more like walking the dog then going for a miserable run. He now may or may not be forced to go on daily runs with me. This can make up for the bonding I missed when my family first got him while I was at school (mind you, they got him in Landenberg which is very close to the University of Delaware and the didn't stop to let me met him. Not cool).

Well, now that was a mouthful. I'm hopefully going to start blogging semi-consistently again. I hadn't realized that other people actually read it until my aunt in Florida mentioned she hadn't been able to catch up on my life recently. I was flattered! But I am off to read a little before I get to bed.

xoxo
-B